What Used to be there
by BakemonoShoujo
Summary: "As for every dream, it ends once waken up. When I was able to open my eyes, you weren't there." implied Yukio x Rin,


**A/N:**

Sorry for my long updates, I had this story waiting in my list, I think it's about time to share it.

Have a tear jerker

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I stood there… Longing… Waiting… For someone that will never come back. For someone who has left me here. Alone. Never have I dreamed for this day to come. It frightened me too much, and now that this moment is here, I can't make anything out of it, all I feel as I stand here is nothing but the grief that kept dwelling in me as my eyes stare blankly seeing your name on the grave: _'Okumura Yukio'_

You stupid four eyes, leaving me just like that. Just like that... protecting me...you didn't have to do that, you know? Look where it has brought us now. Separated. You promised to teach me to be strong. You promised to be patient with me. You promised you'd always be there for me. In a blink of an eye, it's all gone. Never to be fulfilled, but I couldn't find myself to loathe you. After all, I love you more than anyone else. I remember the times you always yell at me and then after, you'll just sigh and say it's alright, try again. And when I attempt to try again, I give up and just do something silly... and then you'll slap me with your slipper. It hurts and it's annoying, but I'll miss it... a lot. Whenever I have problems and try my best not to show it, you could always read right through me and ask about it so gently that I just end up telling everything to you. You would laugh at me for my stupidity and at the shallowness of my problems, I would glare at you, but then I'll just laugh along. Smiling at those fond memories I realize... you have been patient with me.

We loved each other in a way we should never have. But stumbling back to such moments wherein we found ourselves contented even through adversaries, I end up thinking, 'maybe this isn't as bad as I thought'. Being with you is far more than enough after all, see you, hear your voice, feel your warmth... perhaps you have fulfilled another one of your promises for you have always been there for me. Sadly, it didn't last for as long as I anticipated.

You left too soon...

We still had a long way to go. A lot more years ahead of us. Is this the consequence for being in such kind of relationship? If so, then I'd rather not have you for myself than to lose you like this, not being able to see you again, no longer hear your voice, annoy you, have you yell at me again, laugh together, cook for you, tutor me even though I really can't understand the lessons... I try though, I really do. I know how much of a burden I could be to you so I try my best but most of the time I end up failing miserably. I hate myself for not being as smart, and responsible as you so sometimes I wonder 'How could someone like me deserve you?' But seeing you smile gently and hearing your comforting words after I fall down from my mistakes, perhaps I need not to doubt myself and just accept that somehow I could have you.

But I lost you. To think that I finally had someone to stay with me and endure my mishaps, someone that I could take care of and in turn also do the same to me. In a single heartbeat, gone. I didn't even got the chance to say goodbye,

In the end of our last battle, I remember a strong flash of light then your green eyes staring gently at me. You whispered something... I didn't hear for everything went black. For what seems to be ages, I finally gained consciousness again, though not be able to move, talk, and not open my eyes - It's like sleeping in my wake. I figured, I'm in coma. Though, I wasn't so depressed with that fact because I knew when I wake up, you'll be by my bedside, sitting on a chair while you read a book. You'll look up realizing i'm already awake and you'll be so happy. You'll embrace me then tell me how worried you are about me, I'll laugh and say some stupid remark, you'll scowl then flick my forehead. After that, you'll smile again and say how glad you are that I'm okay. Days after, we'll go home and everything will be like how it should be.

As for every dream, it ends once waken up. When I was able to open my eyes, you weren't there. I guessed you're outside or probably at school. The doctors and nurses tended me for days, still you didn't come._ 'Where are you?' _I desperately thought, comforting myself with the thought that you might left for another mission and won't be going back for a few more days or so. Another day has passed, I yearned for you to walk through that door or when I wake up you'll be there, but no, it still didn't happen. Every night after the days you're not there with me, I cry myself to sleep. I kept on worrying about you, whenever I ask those who are here about your whereabouts, they say they don't know... even our other friends weren't there. _'Where did you all_ go?' A spark of hope in me said that you guys are probably waiting for me in our dorm and will surprise me with a big welcome back home party. Yeah, that must have been it... we'll have lots of fun.

With such thoughts, I got excited and can no longer wait to go home. That day has finally arrived, I opened the door of our dorm eagerly, but no one was there. I walked in the empty corridors, peaked through every room I came across as I headed for our room, _'Yukio...?' _I could't find you. I rushed to our room and opened the door immediately only to be greeted by silence. Tears rolled down as I breathed heavily, _'Where are_ you?'. I heard Kuro call me from the back, I turned around, he looked terribly sad.

_"He's gone..."_

And that's what brought me here. Standing to where you lie now. Even our other friends has gone, I went to their graves before yours. Why did you all leave me? It's so unfair... I'm always the one who is left. Why am I always the one to suffer facing the resting places of those that matter to me? You didn't have to protect me... I'm hurting more, see?

I didn't even get to say goodbye...

The days we spent are hardly enough, not at all... Yukio... I need you. I need you, I need you, I need you...so much. Damn you, making me cry like this. I wish this is just some sick prank, that you aren't dead, and you're somewhere laughing at me... come out now. Enough with the joke. Come on, let's go home. Please?

I sigh, why do I keep fooling myself? I should just face the fact that I'm on my own now... I should remember the things you taught me. To not be lazy, to do what I'm supposed to do, to not give up, to stand for what is right, to be more patient, .. I guess you also taught me how to be strong. In the end, you have already been fulfilling your promises to me and more.

I love you...

I wish I got the chance to tell you that for the last time. Once again, I began to sob harder, I remembered when Kuro told me about the last thing you said to me before you died. I never thought those words could make me cry harder than if ever you said 'I love you' for the last time...

With those words of yours in mind, I wiped my tears composing myself,

With those last words, I will be able to stand alone,

With those words, I smiled brightly,

_'Stay happy for me.'_


End file.
